Thursday, November 20, 2008? Thursday, November 20, 2008
There is seriously no lack of emotions through me at this point in time. Most of it was sad. It was all about him. No matter how hard I tried, it is impossible. I still cared more than ever. I was just being slapped into accepting reality so readily that I had no time to adjust my emotions to it. All those times that we had spent together, didn't it meant anything to him at all? He could be so gentle and caring at one time and now totally cold and cruel. How can I make myself accept it? It was kinda like a foolish thought thinking we could all go back again. But i guess it seems impossible. Alot of lies had been cutting off our relationship. No truths to be told. My heart shattered. I just wished I wasn't here sometimes. Sometimes I wished I could just lose my memories. People said memories were supposed to be sweet. But right now, it just seemed to be so cruel. I really don't know what am I supposed to do. How do I cope? I can appear like I am fine and happily living my life well to people but I felt a cold sharp knife that was pierced through me. It's not hard to deceive people but harder to deceive myself. I tried not to think about it but I can't. I just can't. I don't understand why you can live your life like nothing bad has ever happened? I hate you but I love you at the same time.